I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
