i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
