Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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