Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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