Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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