Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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