Say something about gay babies.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
