Got a toothbrush?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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