I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
