i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
