I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
