I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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