I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
