Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
