I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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