he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
