When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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