I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize