We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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