Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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