Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I supernannyed him into submission
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
