Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
