Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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