Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
