I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
