Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
