As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
