I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Randomize
