I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's like iHOP with fire
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
