This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
