you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
