I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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