guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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