from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
