i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
