I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
