every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize