Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize