I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
