So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
