i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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