batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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