i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
