I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
