Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
