come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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