If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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