Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
