who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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