I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
