we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
