Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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