i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
