i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
