I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
