he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
