was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
