So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
