when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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