I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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