There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
