Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
