32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
