Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
