oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize