she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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