She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
