I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
