No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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