How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dear god my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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