I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize