Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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