My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
