everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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