my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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