3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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