We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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