somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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