there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
