Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
