And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
