I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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