He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
