Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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