The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize