he wants to bone in the snuggie
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
