If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
