my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
don't judge my taste in strippers
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
