Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
