Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A bitchslap is in order.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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