so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
