matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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